Imihlobo nezitayela ngendlela akhuliswa emkhayeni

Ngokuvamile, abantu abanabantwana baphendukela ezingqondweni zengqondo ukuze basize. Amama nobaba bacela ochwepheshe lapho izingane zabo ezizithandayo zingaba nezimfanelo ezingafuneki, ukuziphatha okubi. Indima ebaluleke kakhulu ekubunjweni komuntu idlala ngokukhuliswa. Kusukela kwisitayela sawo nokuthayipha, okhethwe ngabazali, uhlamvu lwezingane, ukuphila kwabo okuqhubekayo kuxhomeke. Iziphi izindlela nezindlela zokukhuliselwa ezisetshenziswayo? Kule ndaba, kufanelekile ukuphenya, ngoba impendulo kuyo kuyoba usizo ukwazi bonke abazali.

Kuyini ukukhulisa nokuthi yiziphi izitayela ezikhona?

Igama elithi "imfundo" livele ezinkulumweni zabantu isikhathi eside kakhulu. Ubufakazi balokhu yizincwadi zesiSlavic ezifika ku-1056. Kwakukhona kuwo umqondo owawutholakala kuqala. Ngalezo zinsuku, igama elithi "ukukhuliswa" lanikezwa ukubaluleka njengokuthi "ukukhulisa", "ukudla", futhi emva kwesikhathi kancane kwakusetshenziswe ngomqondo wokuthi "ukufundisa".

Esikhathini esizayo, lo mqondo wanikezwa izincazelo eziningi ezahlukene ngabachwepheshe abahlukahlukene. Uma siwahlaziya, khona-ke singasho ukuthi imfundo yilezi:

• Ukwakhiwa kobuntu okuzosiza emphakathini futhi okungahlala kuwo, ngeke kugweme abanye abantu, ngeke uvale ngokwawo;
• Ukuxhumana kwabafundisi nokufundiswa;
• Inqubo yokufunda.

Abazali, ukukhulisa izingane zabo, ngokuvamile abacabangi ngokuhlela le nqubo. Benza njengendlela yokufunda echaza, ukuphila okuhlangenwe nakho. Mane nje, omama nabababa bakhulisa amadodana namadodakazi abo njengoba benza. Ngakho, umndeni ngamunye uhambela isitayela esithile sokukhulisa. Ngalesi sikhathi, ochwepheshe baqonda amaphethini abalingani bomzali kwabazali babo.

Kunezinhlobonhlobo eziningi zezitayela zokukhuliswa. Omunye wabo uhlongozwa nguDiana Baumrind. Lesi sazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseMelika sichaze lezi zindlela ezilandelayo zokubeletha emndenini:

• Isigunyazi;
• Isigunyazo;
• Liberal.

Kamuva lokhu kuhlukaniswa kwafakwa. U-Eleanor McCoby noJohn Martin bahlukanisa esinye isitayela somzali emndenini wabantwana. Wabizwa ngokuthi akanandaba. Kweminye imithombo, amagama afana ne "hypoopeak", "isitayela esingenandaba" asetshenziselwa ukuchaza lo modeli. Ngezansi, izitayela zokukhuliswa, izici zazo, zixoxwa ngokuningiliziwe.

Isitayela sobukhosi semfundo yomndeni

Abanye abazali bagcina izingane zabo ngokuqinile, sebenzisa izindlela eziqinile nezinhlobo zokukhulisa. Banika izingane zabo iziyalezo futhi balindele ukugcwaliseka kwazo. Emikhaya enjalo, imithetho eqinile nezidingo ziyasebenza. Izingane kufanele zenze konke, ungabhidli. Ngokungaziphathi kahle nokuziphatha kabi, caprices, abazali bajezisa izingane zabo, bangazicabangi imibono yabo, musa ukucela noma yiziphi izincazelo. Lesi sitayela semfundo yomndeni sibizwa ngokuthi umbhali.

Kulesi simodeli, ukuzimela kwezingane kuncane kakhulu. Abazali abambelela kule ndlela yokukhulisa abazali, bacabange ukuthi ingane yabo izokhula, ilawule, inesibopho futhi inzima. Kodwa-ke, umphumela wokugcina awulindelekile ngokuphelele kumama nobaba:

1. Esebenzayo futhi eqinile emvelweni, izingane ziqala ukuzibonakalisa, ngokuvamile zikhula. Bahlubuka, babonisa ukuhlukunyezwa, baxabana nabazali babo, baphupha inkululeko nokuzimela futhi yingakho bavame ukubalekela ekhaya labazali babo.
2. Ungaqiniseki izingane zilalele abazali bazo, ziyesabe, zesabe isijeziso. Esikhathini esizayo, abantu abanjalo abazimele, bahlukumezekile, bahoxisiwe futhi bahlezi.
3. Ezinye izingane, ezikhulayo, zithatha isibonelo kubazali bazo - zidala imindeni efana nalezo ezazakhulela zona, zigcine bobabili abafazi nezingane ngokuqinela.

Isitayela sokugunyaza ekukhuliseni umndeni

Lezi zibonelo zengcweti eminye imithombo ichaza ngamagama athi "isitayela senkululeko yentando yeningi", "ukubambisana", ngoba kuyona enhle kakhulu ekubunjweni komuntu obumbene. Le ndlela yokufundisa isekelwe ebuhlotsheni obufudumele kanye nezinga eliphezulu lokulawula. Abazali bahlale bevulekile ekukhulumisaneni, bafuna ukuxoxa nokuxazulula zonke izinkinga nezingane zabo. Amama nobaba bakhuthaza ukuzimela kwamadodana namadodakazi, kodwa kwezinye izimo bangase bakhombise ukuthi yini okudingeka yenziwe. Izingane zilalela abadala, ziyazi igama elithi "kumele".

Ngenxa yesitayela esihloniphekile sokukhulisa, izingane ziguquguquka emphakathini. Abesabi ukuxhumana nabanye abantu, bayakwazi ukuthola ulimi oluvamile. Isitayela sokugunyaza sokugunyaza sikuvumela ukuba ukhule abantu abanokuzethemba nokuzethemba abazethemba kakhulu futhi bakwazi ukuzithiba.

Isitayela sokugunyaza yisibonelo esihle sokukhuliselwa. Noma kunjalo, ukuzibophezela okuyingqayizivele kuso kusengathandeki. Ukuze usana useneminyaka eyishumi nambili, ukugunyaza umbuso, okuvela kubazali, kuyadingeka futhi kuwusizo. Isibonelo, omama nabazali kufanele bakhombe ingane ekuziphatheni okungalungile futhi bafune kuye ukuba bahambisane nanoma yimaphi imigomo nemithetho yomphakathi.

Imodeli yamaLiberal yobuhlobo

Isitayela se-Liberal (conniving) sokukhuliswa siyabonakala kulezo zimindeni lapho abazali behle kakhulu. Baxhumana nezingane zabo, ngokuphelele konke okubavumelayo, abazibeki noma yikuphi ukuvinjelwa, bafuna ukubonisa uthando olungenamsoco ngamadodana namadodakazi abo.

Izingane ezikhuliswe emindenini enezibonelo eziphathekayo zobuhlobo zinezici ezilandelayo:

• Uvame ukuthukuthela, ukucindezela;
• Abafisi lutho lokuziphika;
• Njengokubonisa;
• Abathandi ukusebenza ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo;
• Khombisa ukuzethemba ngokwemingcele ekudleni;
• Ukungqubuzana nabanye abantu abangazifaki.

Ngokuvamile ukuhluleka kwabazali ukulawula ingane yabo kuholela ekutheni uwela emaqenjini angabandlululo. Ngezinye izikhathi isitayela esivulekile sokubeletha siholela emiphumeleni emihle. Kwezinye izingane ezikwazi ukukhululeka nokuzimela kusukela ebuntwaneni, abantu abakhuthele, abazimisele futhi abadala bayakhula (indlela ingane ethile eyoba ngayo, kuxhomeke esimweni semvelo yakhe, ehlelwe ngokwemvelo).

Isitayela esinganandaba sokukhulisa ingane emndenini

Kulo modeli, amaqembu afana nabazali abangenandaba nabantwana abathukuthele baphuma. Amama nobaba abakholisi amadodana namadodakazi abo, baphatha kabi, bangabonisi ukukhathazeka, bakhathazekile futhi bathanda, banandaba kuphela nezinkinga zabo. Izingane azikhawuli nganoma iyiphi indlela. Abazi noma yikuphi ukuvinjelwa. Abafundiswa ngemigomo enjengokuthi "okuhle", "ububele", ngakho-ke abantwana ababonisi isihawu noma izilwane, noma kwabanye abantu.

Abanye abazali abakhombisi ukukhathazeka kwabo kuphela, kodwa futhi banenzondo. Izingane ezinjalo ezinjengezizwe azizwa zingadingekile. Benza ukuziphatha okuphambene nezifiso ezilimazayo.

Ukuhlukaniswa kwezinhlobo zemfundo yomndeni ngokusho kuka-Eidemiller no-Justiskis

Indima ebalulekile ekusungulweni kobuntu idlala uhlobo lokukhuliswa komndeni. Lesi yisici sezimpawu zokubaluleka nezimo zengqondo zabazali, isimo sengqondo sengqondo kwengane. U-E. G. Eidemiller no-V. V. Yustiskis bakhetha ukuhlukaniswa kobudlelwane lapho izinhlobo eziningana eziyisisekelo ezifakazela imfundo yabafana namantombazane zaziwa:

1. Izenza sengathi i-hyperprotection. Konke ukunakwa komndeni kuqondiswa ingane. Abazali bavame ukuwanelisa zonke izidingo nezimo zabo, bafeze izifiso zakhe futhi bafeze amaphupho akhe.
2. Ukuphelelwa amandla okukhulu kakhulu. Ingane isendaweni. Abazali bamqapha njalo. Ukuzimela kwengane kunqunyelwe, ngoba umama nobaba bafaka noma yikuphi ukuvinjelwa nemingcele.
3. Ukuphathwa kabi. Umndeni unenani elikhulu lezidingo. Ingane yabo kumele ilalele ngokungangabazi. Ukulandela ukungalaleli, ukushaya, ukulahla nokuziphatha okubi, ukujeziswa okunonya kulandela.
4. Ukunganakwa. Kulolu hlobo lokukhuliswa komndeni, ingane ishiyelwe kuye. Umama nobaba abamkhathaleli ngaye, abanesithakazelo kuye, abalawuli izenzo zakhe.
5. Imithwalo yemfanelo yokwandisa. Abazali abamnaki kakhulu ingane. Kodwa-ke, bambeka izidingo eziphakeme zokuziphatha.
6. Ukulahlwa ngokomzwelo. Imfundo ingenziwa ngohlobo lwe "Cinderella". Abazali banonya futhi abanomusa kumntwana. Abanikeli ukukhathazeka, uthando nokufudumala. Ngesikhathi esifanayo banamathele kakhulu kumntanakho, bafuna kuye ukugcinwa kwe-oda, ukuhambisana namasiko omndeni.

Ukuhlukaniswa kwezinhlobo zemfundo ngokusho kukaGarbuzov

UV Garbuzov waphawula indima eqondile yamathonya ezemfundo ekwakheni izici zobunjwa bomntwana. Kulokhu, lochwepheshe wachaza izinhlobo ezintathu zokukhulisa izingane emndenini:

1. Thayipha A. Abazali abanandaba nezici zomuntu ngamunye. Abazicabangeli, ungafuni ukuzithuthukisa. Ukukhuliswa kwalolu hlobo kuhambelana nokulawulwa okuqinile, ukubeka ukuziphatha okulungile kuphela kwengane.
2. Thayipha B. Lokhu kuhlukahluka kokukhuliswa kubonakala ngombono wokukhathazeka ngabazali mayelana nesimo sempilo yengane nesimo sezenhlalakahle, ukulindela impumelelo ekufundeni nasemsebenzini wesikhathi esizayo.
3. Thayipha B. Abazali, zonke izihlobo zilalela ingane. Ungumfanekiso womndeni. Zonke izidingo zakhe kanye nezifiso zakhe ngezinye izikhathi zihlanganiselwe ukulimaza amalungu omndeni nabanye abantu.

Clemence Yokufunda

Abacwaningi baseSwitzerland abaholwa ngu-A. Clemence baveza izindlela ezilandelayo zokukhulisa izingane emndenini:

1. Isiqondiso. Ngalesi sitayela emndenini, zonke izinqumo zenziwa ngabazali. Umsebenzi womntwana ukuwuthatha, ukufeza zonke izidingo.
2. I-Partisipative. Ingane inganquma okuthile kuye. Kodwa-ke, kunezinhlobo eziningana zomthetho jikelele emndenini. Ingane iphoqelekile ukuyifeza. Ngaphandle kwalokho, abazali basebenzisa isijeziso.
3. Ukudlulisela. Ingane yenza izinqumo zayo. Abazali abafaki imibono yabo kuye. Abamnaki kakhulu kuze kube yilapho ukuziphatha kwakhe kuholela ezinkingeni ezinkulu.

Imfundo ehloniphekile futhi ehambisanayo

Zonke izitayela ezicatshangelwe zokukhuliswa emndenini nasezinhlotsheni zingahlanganiswa zibe ngamaqembu amabili. Lokhu kukhuliswa okungavumelani nokuvumelanisa. Kuqembu ngalinye, kunezinye izici ezibalwe ngezansi etafuleni.

Kungani eminye imindeni inokukhulelwa ngokweqile?

Abazali basebenzisa izinhlobo ze-inharmonious nezitayela zokukhuliswa emndenini. Lokhu kwenzeka ngezizathu ezihlukahlukene. Lena yizimo zokuphila, nezici zobuntu, nezinkinga ezingenasici zabazali banamuhla, nezidingo ezingavumelani. Phakathi kwezizathu eziyinhloko zemfundo ephikisanayo yilokhu okulandelayo:

• Ukuqhamuka kwengane enezimfanelo ezingathandeki;
• Ukuthuthukiswa kwemizwa yabazali;
• Ukungavikeleki kwezemfundo kwabazali;
• Ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa ingane.

Ngesizathu sokuqala, abazali babona emntwaneni lezo zimfanelo abazenza zona, kodwa abaziboni. Isibonelo, ingane ijwayele ukuvila. Abazali bajezisa ingane yabo, baphathwe kabi ngebanga lobukhona bekhwalithi yomuntu. Umzabalazo ubavumela ukuba bakholelwe ukuthi bona ngokwabo abanalo leli phutha.

Isizathu sesibili esikhulunywa ngaso sibonakala kulabo bantu abangazange babone ukushisa komzali ebuntwaneni. Abafuni ukubhekana nengane yabo, zama ukuchitha isikhathi esincane naye, ungaxoxani, ngakho-ke basebenzisa izitayela ze-inharmonious zokukhulisa izingane emndenini. Lesi sizathu sibonakala nakubantu abaningi abasha ababengazilungiselelanga ngokwengqondo ukuvela kwengane empilweni yabo.

Ukungavikeleki kwezemfundo kuvela, njengombuso, ngobuntu obuthakathaka. Abazali abanokuntuleka okunjalo abenzi izidingo ezikhethekile ezinganeni, banelise zonke izifiso zakhe, ngoba abakwazi ukumenqaba. Ilungu lomndeni elincane lithola indawo engozini kumama nobaba futhi liyakujabulela, ukuqinisekisa ukuthi linamalungelo amaningi kanye nemisebenzi encane.

Ngaphambi kokulahleka kwezingane, abazali bazizwa besengozini yengane yabo. Bacabanga ukuthi unzima, unobuthakathaka, uyagula. Bamvikela. Ngenxa yalokhu, izitayela ezinjalo ze-inharmonous zokukhulelwa kwentsha ziphakama, njenge-hyperprotection engavamile futhi ephezulu.

Iyini imfundo yomndeni ehambelanayo?

Ngokukhuliswa okuhambisanayo, abazali bamukela ingane njengoba ekhona. Abazami ukulungisa ukungaphumeleli okungeyona okungadingekile, ungafaki kuwo wonke ama-model wokuziphatha. Umndeni unezinombolo ezincane zemithetho nezinqatshelwe, ezihlonishwa yibo bonke. Izidingo zomntwana zaneliseka ngaphakathi kwemingcele efanele (kuyilapho izidingo zamanye amalungu omndeni zinganakiwe futhi zingaphuli).

Ngokukhulisana okuhambisanayo, ingane ikhetha indlela yakhe yokuthuthukiswa. Umama nobaba abamenze ahambe kunoma yimiphi imibuthano yokudala, uma engafuni ukwenza lokho ngokwakhe. Ukuzimela kwengane kuyakhuthazwa. Uma kunesidingo, abazali banikeza iseluleko esidingekayo kuphela.

Ukuze ukhuliswe ukuze kuvumelane, abazali badinga:

• Njalo thola isikhathi sokuxhumana nengane;
• Ukuze ube nesithakazelo ekuphumeleleni kanye nokuhluleka kwayo, ukusiza ukubhekana nezinkinga ezithile;
• Ungacindezeli ingane, ungabeki umqondo wakhe siqu kuye;
• Phatha ingane njengelungu elilinganayo lomndeni;
• Ukwenza ingane ibe nezimfanelo ezibalulekile njengomusa, isihawu, inhlonipho kwabanye abantu.

Ekuphetheni, kuyafaneleka ukuthi kubalulekile ukukhetha izinhlobo kwesokudla izitayela nomndeni umzali. Kuleli kuncike endleleni lapho umntwana kuyoba akuthandayo kamuva ekuphileni, ukuthi ngeke ukuxhumana nabanye abantu, uma ngeke uyazithulela ingakhulumi. Kulokhu, abazali kudingeka siqiniseke ukukhumbula ukuthi isihluthulelo lemfundo ephumelelayo uthando ilungu elincane umndeni, isithakazelo kuyo, friendly, ingxabano-free umoya endlini.